For the last 6 months, for some reason or another, life just seemed to be dealing me bad hands continuously. I was under constant pressure and no matter how hard I tried. I felt nothing helped or improved. It was a constant bashing of waves, forcing me onto jagged rocks and battling to catch air. I’ve never been the type of person who suffered from depression or crippling anxiety but I was starting to understand it and it was lurking at the door.
I am a 24-year old female South African living and working in the UAE. I take my career very seriously and have worked my a*s off to get where I am. I was going through something, something I couldn’t explain at that time. You see, I had this vague idea of where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be. The truth is, I didn’t. I wanted to be this successful, strong, Career- driven woman who had it all, but I was wrong. I have been in the hospitality industry my entire career except the one- year where I was a teacher. I love people! Only recently have I realized that I am extremely maternal. I care about people, and I enjoy seeing people happy.
It all started around two months ago, I was preparing to go on my annual vacation home. My great trek to see my loved ones. But it was different this time. I wasn’t excited, and there was just so much drama happening around me. I was unfocused, tired, anxious, irritated, miserable (we’ve all been there before). I went on this holiday and I did what I always do first. I landed in Johannesburg, went to my sisters house and became one with her couch. Talking and catching up with a woman who has been not only my elder sister but my best friend. Eating way too much food, letting my pajamas become my natural state and sleeping! Oh the glorious naps whenever I wanted!
Soon, I started forgetting about work. Forgetting the stresses of my average days and I just became a lazy, sleepy, happy human being. I stopped fighting the universe. I stopped fighting the energies. I stopped fighting my gut and my mind. I stopped fighting me… It was somewhere shortly after that week and getting to my parents’ house in East London where I would wake up in the mornings, grab a nice cup of coffee, sit in the cool morning air and watch the ocean that I let go of something. I let go of anger, resentment, stress, fear, anxiety and I remembered what it was like to be me…
Yes, you can argue that this profound experience is what everyone goes through on holiday and it’s not that impressive. However, all my worries ceased at this moment. I suddenly realized that I didn’t have to live to others expectations of who I was meant to be. I didn’t have to be unhappy. That it was, in fact, my own mind holding me back. The moment I let it all go, the moment I stopped looking for reasons to be happy, I was happy! I wasn’t searching for something to make me happy, I just let myself be happy…
So, here I am today, back at my desk, in the UAE, listening to “Clearing Subconscious Negativity” Meditation Music for Positive Energy, Chakra Balancing on YouTube and reading “The Seven Chakras – the guide to opening and balancing your energy chakras” and starting this blog. Even if no one reads it, this is my journey, and the start of a whole new world and my path in it.
Today, I am bliss and ecstasy as my journey begins.